Penniless Jellyfish

For Christmas, Ryan's father bought us a George Carlin calander with quotes from his shows. We both love George Carlin, so I thought I'd share with you, some George Carlin words of wisdom.

• When I was a kid I can remember saying "Cross my heart and hope to die." I'd like to confess now that I never really meant the second part.
• A few things I like: A guy who doesn't know what he's doing and won't admit it, A permanently disfigured gun collector and A whole lotta people tap dancing at once.
• I predict Al Roker will sleepwalk into a Dunkin' Conuts and eat six lemon custards. All the staples in his stomach will pop at once and six policemen will be killed.
• I have a suggestion that I think would help fight serious crime. Signs. There are lots of signs for minor infractions: No Smoking, Stay Off The Grass, Keep Out, and they seem to work faily well. I think we hsould also have signs for major crimes: Murder Strictly Prohibited, No Raping People, Thank You For Not Kidnapping Anyone. It's certainly worth a try.
• Television news channels will often present some guest they identify as a terrorism expert. But you can take one look at him and see that he's clearly not a terrorism expert. He's a guy in a suit who obviously works in an office. And I say he's not a terrorism expert. You wanna know who's a terrorism expert? Osama bin Laden. Ayman al-Zawahiri. The people they hang around with. Those are the terrorism experts. Has this guy in the suit ever blown anyone up? No. So why is he a terrorism expert?
• Expressions I question. Legally drunk. Well, if it's legal, what's the problem? "Leave me alone, officer, I'm legally drunk!"
• When you make a sandwich at home, do you reach down past the first few slices to get the really good bread? It's a survivial thing: "Let my family eat the rotten bread. I'll take care of numero uno."

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Comments to The Day-

I have gone through the trauma of  "Mom, I want to get my driving license" more times then was good for my heart and brain.  My children are now 44, 40, 34 and 21!  Since nothing tragic has happened (yet) with the 3 oldest as a result of they're being on the road, I've kind of relaxed about them.  It's "the baby", as she is known to all of us, that I make myself sick worrying about.  The fact that she's  responsible, a college student with a great GPA, kind, compassionate, a hard worker, loyal, helpful, a good cook and helps old ladies (mostly me) across the street does nothing to alleviate my fear.  After all most parents have done for their children, it doesn't seem fair that we have to go through this.  But I have a plan if only the legislature would listen.    While I realize that my plan is unreasonable, probably even ridiculous, and will probably never come to fruition, still, I think it's a good one.  It's simple.  The state should stop handing out driving licenses like they're candy.  They should allot only one license to a household. Maybe two, but only if both parents are in the home and both are working.  Then as we, the parents, begin to die off, the license(s) could be transferred to another deserving family member.  If the law I propose had been in effect when my children were getting their driver's licenses, it sure would have saved me a lot of worry-and praying!  I could have prayed for things like an end to hunger, war and disease. I think I'll call my legislator.

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(How to handle a problem neighbor)(The Ass Family)(A good reason not to sleep in the nude)

 

 

Bono, lead singer of the rock band U2, is famous throughout the entertainment industry for being more than just a little self-righteous.

At a recent U2 concert in Glasgow, Scotland, he asked the audience for total quiet.

Then, in the silence, he started to slowly clap his hands, once every few seconds. Holding the audience in total silence, he said into the microphone, 'Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies.'

From the front of the crowd a voice with a broad Scottish accent pierced the quiet ...

'Well, f -- ckin stop doin it then, ya evil bastard!'

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Last night Ryan and I went to Vin's to watch the pay per view boxing match of Floyd Mayweather against Ricky Haddan, after the restaurant closed down. The fight was awesome and Vin was reminiscing about his peak years. Vin showed Ryan this awesome, game winning shot on youtube, and it's such an amazing shot, I had to put it on here. The score of the game was 102 to 102 until Vin scored.

Vince Carter slam dunkin over a 7'2 basket ball player in the Olympics! Can you imagine jumping over a guy who's 7 feet 2 inches high in the air?? Vin Baker is to the left who Ryan works for and I used to work for. He won his Gold Medal in 2000 during that game.

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It's only 4 days until Holloween and I was watching a show on TV called "Scariest Places On Earth". Two of the places on this show were right here in Connecticut and that I've been to! The first one was the lighthouse off the coast of New London called the New London Ledge Light House.

The New London Ledge Lighthouse

The story behind this lighthouse was that the lighthouse keeper and his wife lived on this lighthouse that is secluded from anything since it's floating in the middle of the sound. One day, the housekeepers wife got sick of being stuck out there and ran away with another man. There are different stories on who she ran off with, whether it was the captian of a boat or a man who ran supplies out to the light house for them. Either way, the lighthouse keeper, whose name was Ernie, was so heartbroken, he went to the top of the light house and jumped off. There have been plenty of paranormal groups that have stayed the night at the light house and all of them say it is haunted! The Coast Guard was stationed out there for a few months to clean it up and make sure no one was going there that didn't belong. Part of their job was to repaint the inside walls. After an entire day of painted, they decided to hit the sack and finish it in the morning.

When they woke up in the morning, all of the lighthouse walls were completely painted, the brushes cleaned and put away. The guards were a little freaked out, but weren't complainig, plus they had no way to get back until the next shift came to pick them up in a boat. That morning, while one of the guards was shaving in the bathroom mirror, he saw Ernie standing behind him. Of course when he turned around, Ernie was gone. Usually when there is a ghost story, the details change here and there. But what's weird is that this story has not changed at all, not one detail.

Norwich State Hospital

The Next Place on the list was Norwich State Hospital. I've been to this place too, which was quite a feat because there are security guards patrolling the property. About 20 years ago, Connecticut closed down all of their mental institutions. So where did all of the patients go, you're wondering? Out on the streets, they are the homeless people living on the streets of Norwich and New London today. Many of the patients in NSH were violent offenders that were not believed to be curable. So now, NSH is an attraction to many people to sneak inside and check it out. When I went in there, with two friends of mine, about 3 or 4 years ago, it was...I can't even think of words to describe it. It was chilling, terrifying, unearthly, creepy. Everything is left exactly the way it was the day the hospital closed down. Now keep in mind that when these sorts of mental hospitals were open, psychology and mental health programs were just beginning to learn about how the brain works. Many preformed crude and horrific experiments such as lobotomies or electricution. All the medical equipment is left in place in the basement, the stretchers, wheel chairs, chairs with straps, electric machines, etc. All the paper work and case files are still in folders and in boxes. When you walk through the halls, there are old roller skates left in the middle of the floor, and other games that were for the patients. The beds and mattresses are still covered with sheets and pillows. The windows are broken, doors are hanging off their hinges, bars over the windows and surrounding the offices to keep the faculty safe. There are tunnels under ground, that run from building to building that were just for the medical staff, so they could travel safely. Although I heard, the patients often broke into the hallways numerous times, despite the doctors best efforts to keep them out. Now, obviously there is no electricity, so when we were walking through the tunnels, it was pitch black! They have solitary rooms with padded walls and a thick wooden door. When I looked on the inside of those doors, there are finger nail stratches running down the door. When we got there, my friend Ashley had a digital camera to take pictures, however, as soon as we sneaked onto the property from the back way, the fully charged batteries died. I was so scared at some points (like walking through those pitch black tunnels) they had to drag me forward while I was crying! (yes, I know, I'm a big baby!) I would love to go back there though. I don't know why, maybe it's some sort of sick fascination with being scared!

More Pictures of Norwich State Hospital

Pictures of the inside

Pictures of the basement and tunnels

Random pictures of Norwich State Hospital

Norwich State Hospital

More Pictures

The show also had a section about The Catacombs in Paris, France. Click the website below to read about them. If I'm ever Paris, you can bet The Catacombs are on my list of things to see.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Catacombs_of_Paris

If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle.  If the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died as a result of wounds received in battle.  If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.

Clans of long ago that wanted to get rid of their unwanted people without killing them used to burn their houses down - hence the expression "to get fired."

The term "the whole 9 yards" came from WWII fighter pilots in the Pacific.  When arming their airplanes on the ground, the .50 caliber machine gun ammo belts measured exactly 27 feet, before being loaded into the fuselage.  If the pilots fired all their ammo at a target, it got "the whole 9 yards."

The cruise liner, Queen Elizabeth II, moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel that it burns.

In Cleveland, Ohio, it's illegal to catch mice without a hunting license.

It takes 3,000 cows to supply the NFL with enough leather for a year's supply of footballs.

The 3 most valuable brand names on earth: Marlboro, Coca-Cola, and Budweiser, in that order.

Elephants can't jump.  Every other mammal can.

111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321

Only 1 in 2,000,000,000 will live to be 116 or older.

Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.

Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite.

The national anthem of Greece has 158 verses. 
No one in Greece has memorized all 158 verses.

There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar.

All of the clocks in the movie Pulp Fiction are stuck
on 4:20.

No word in the English language rhymes with
month, orange, silver or purple.

Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur.

1. If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no calories.
2. If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, the calories in the candy bar are cancelled out by the diet soda.
3. When you eat with someone else, calories don't count if you don't eat more than they do.
4. Food used for medicinal purposes NEVER count, such as hot chocolate, brandy, toast and Sara Lee Cheesecake.
5. If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you look thinner.
6. Movie related foods (Milk Duds, Buttered Popcorn, Junior Mints, Red Hots, Tootsie Rolls, etc.) do not have additional calories because they are part of the entertainment package and not part of one's personal fuel.
7. Cookie pieces contain no fat-- the process of breaking causes fat leakage.
8. Things licked off knives and spoons have no calories if you are in the process of preparing something. Examples are peanut butter on a knife making a sandwich and ice cream on a spoon making a sundae.
9. Foods that have the same color have the same number of calories. Examples are: spinach and pistachio ice cream; mushrooms and white chocolate. NOTE: Chocolate is a universal color and may be substituted for any other food color.
10. Foods that are frozen have no calories because calories are units of heat. Examples are ice cream, frozen pies, and Popsicles.
11. Foods eaten while watching a major event on television do not count. Major events include: Super bowl, Hockey Finals, Indy 500, Jerry Springer show.
12. Power bars and other type energy bars make you thinner. In all my years of exercising (at least three times a year) I have only seen thin people eating energy bars. Therefore they must make you thin.
13. Snickers is the same as an energy bar (see #12)
14. Tasting other people's food does not add to your calorie count.
15. Containers of food that list the number of servings as greater than one are lying. Every container includes one serving. Half gallon of ice cream, box of cereal, bottle of soda, bag of chips are all one serving.

3 tablespoons of Sweet Almond Oil

1 tablespoon of Kokum Butter

1 tablespoon of Coconut Oil

1 tablespoon of Beeswax

1 tablespoon of your favorite Essential Oil (lime, grapefruit, lemon, orange)

Combine all of your mixed oils in a small sauce pan, except your favorite essential oil. Melt over low heat until completely melted. While your oils are still warm, add your essential oils and blend the mixture thoroughly. Poor mixture into container (small jar, tin, tube). Makes about 3 1/2 oz.

 

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I got all of these photos from http://www.flickriver.com/groups/71332142@N00/pool/interesting/

Last Wednesday, I had to get my wisdom teeth removed. I had already had a root canal, and that went surprisingly well. But I was still a little nervous, because this was actual surgery but overall, I thought it would go ok. I was wrong. I had Ryan go with me, and while I was waiting to get it done, I was so nervous I started crying! The dentist gave me some laughing gas when he was ready to remove them. (I have to say, if I knew where to buy that stuff, I would!). After that kicked in, he put some numbing jell on my gums. Than I got 8 shots of a type of novacaine (not actual novacaine because I'm allergic to the real kind). The shots hurt a little, but the laughing gas made me not care at all. The procedure felt like it took an hour, in reality I have no idea how long it took. The actual surgery didn't hurt much, it was just uncomfortable keeping my mouth open for that long. I thought it was kind of interesting that I could hear the teeth being pulled, roots being ripped and all. (Is that gross?). The reason he had so much trouble pulling the teeth out was because the roots were so knarled and in weird twists and turns, he had to pull every which way. On the ride home I was going crazy because I couldn't talk (and boy do I love to). I had to keep cotton balls in my mouth for about 4 hours, which was VERY annoying, and painful believe it or not. After the blood clotted, I couldn't open my mouth at all because everything hurt so much. I forgot to mention that while I was waiting for my prescription to fill, the 'novacaine' wore off, and with nothing to help with the pain, all I have to say is...Oh My God! I was in so much pain, I was waiting in the pharmacy (in Stop and Shop), with a bag of frozen corn on my cheek, sobbing. After I took the vicodine, I felt a lot better, but I could only eat soft things such as yogurt, pudding, soup broth. I was starving by the time I could eat solids! So it's been almost a week, and my left cheek is still really swollen and my gums are really sensitive. Especially on the left side, it's sensitive to temperature and touch. I called the dentist today and they said I have some post-opretive problem and I have an appointment to come in tomorrow. Let's see what happens.

 

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I wrote an email out to everyone on my mail list asking them these 3 questions...

Three question to which, mysteriously no one has answers to, (all of which happened to me today in about a 4 hour time span):

 

 

1) where do the socks go from the time that you put them in the washer to the time you're supposed to take them out of the dryer?

 

2) why is it everytime you go to sit down and relax, the phone rings. Even if the phone hasn't rung once in a week and a half, it'll ring than. And if you're really lucky, it'll be a telemarketer.

 

3) where do lighters go? The excuse that everyone steals them doesn't fly by me, because if that's true, that means there's gotta be just a handful of people in the world with giant piles of lighters in their basements, and they're out in their backyard right now digging holes because theres no more room in the basement. Are the socks, the lighters and the telemarketers sitting in their secret hide-out together laughing at us? The socks and lighters saying "Ha, boy did we fool them! They have no idea where we are!" and the telemarketers inturrupting with "OH OH Wait Wait! she's about to sit down! Watch this, I'm callin her..."

 

If anyone has any answers to these puzzeling questions, please inform me so that I don't have to waste my time looking for them or avoiding them.

 

Thanks, Love,

Charity

 

One response I got was...

Charity,

1. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies.
2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sexual favors."
3. Specify that your drive-through order is "TO-GO."
4. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
5. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
6. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."
7. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what you think."
8. Practice making fax and modem noises.
9. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc" them to your boss.
10. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
11. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy."
12. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears and grimacing.
13. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.
14. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
15. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."
16. Staple pages in the middle of the page.
17. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a croaking noise.
18. Honk and wave to strangers.
19. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints at the cash register.
20. TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
21. type only in lowercase.
22. dont use any punctuation either
23. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
24. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times.
    "DO YOU HEAR THAT?"
    "What?"
    "Never mind, it's gone now."
25. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
26. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "No, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.
27. Ask people what gender they are.
28. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
29. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
30. Sing along at the opera.
31. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
32. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles."

 

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I love baseball. A lot of people tell me they have a hard time sitting through the whole game because it moves slowly. I can understand that, but I get involved with the game. I especially love it when I get to go to a game. Baseball, hot dogs, beer, yelling at strange people that you've never met before, swearing really loudly, who wouldn't love that?

I started out as a Yankee's fan. My mom is the one who even got me interested in baseball. She spent some time in the hospital and all the men patients would only watch baseball on the TV. So since she was forced to watch the game, she learned to love it. Infact, it's almost like a religion to her. If we're out to lunch, or driving around, when it's time for that game to be on, she makes you drop what you're doing and speed home. I've almost been pulled over because she was making me speed so fast, but than she told me if I stopped and made her any later, she would never talk to me again. The cop couldn't keep up.

The one and only Yankee's game I've been to, they showed me on TV. It wasn't me or the person I was with they were looking for though. Actually, half of our heads were cut off the screen, but I was in there. I sat in the cheapest seats, the bleachers. The bleacher people are like a whole new breed of people. They are people with no emotion or reguard for human life. If the Yankee's lost, I was sure I was going to see some blood shed. Thank God we won that game. All I heard all game was "fuck the pirates", "pirates suck dick", "you suck!". There was this middle aged man sitting a few rows ahead who was with his 90-something year old mother. The mother was Yankee fan, but unfortunately, her son was rooting for the Pirates. Throughout the whole game, all I heard was how much of a "faggot" this guy was, that he should drop dead and that his mother should kill him. I felt really bad for the guy who was just trying to have a nice afternoon with his elderly mother, but I wasn't about to say anything to these Yankee fans. The bleacher people aren't what led me away from the Yank's. My boyfriend Ryan lurred me away to another baseball team. Don't worry it's not Boston, I still hate them. Although I'm not sure why because they've got great players, nice guys on the team who don't get mixed up in some of the other scandals floating around. I just hate Boston. My team now is The Mets. It's a smaller franchise, but more lovable. David Wright is especially lovable. However, I've been to a few of their games and it was much better than The Yankee's.

Ryan is a baseball fanatic. He can tell you anything about any player, who played at anytime. He can tell you where they went to highschool, college, what they majored in, what number pick they were in The Draft, how the relationship with their parents was. I wouldn't be surprised if he knew their shoe size when they were 4 years old. His passion in baseball is admirable though.

 

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